Several months ago I thought the settlement was settled. It’s not. Now she’s asking for other changes and extensions to the timeline. I suspect that she hasn’t been pursuing the divorce because she wants more time for the condo value to come up so she can refinance that, but at the same time she’s holding my life hostage to that. She has no regard for the damage that her singular focus on what’s good for her does to everyone else.
And, the longer this goes on the more the lawyers talk to each other. At several hundred dollars an hour, they can be incredibly prolix. This should have been a done deal. Each side finds out about each other, they polish the settlement agreement, and they set a court date. That’s not what’s happened. Every time I push the issue a little, she wants to clarify some point that we had clarified earlier. Not only is she stalling, but she’s costing both of us money in unnecessary legal wrangling.
For instance, she spent a month asking if she could have a co-signer on the refinanced mortgage. I’d suggested this two years ago, but aside from the pattern of her ignoring the good advice I give her, it’s none of my business. After the divorce she can do whatever she likes to manage her property and finances. It’s not something we have to agree on. The court says the condo is hers and that’s it. The particulars are no longer my problem. Still, I have to pay several hundred dollars.
I’m to the point where I’m ready to reject the agreement. I’ve instructed my attorney to tell her attorney that she either files in the next month or we consider it a wholesale rejection of the current agreement. I’ve also instructed my attorney to provide nothing specific about what I’ll do after that. I want her to think that I’m going to immediately sell the condo, make her homeless, and spend all the money. I want her to think she’s going to be homeless.
At one of the mediation meetings, I told her right out that the more she asked for, the more incentive I had to fight. If she asked for $40,000, I can either give that to her or I can use that money to fight her. Either way I come out $40,000 less. That’s where I am now—I can burn everything she wants to get from me without hurting my position but seriously affecting hers. I hope she remembers that I said that and I hope she still thinks I’m asshole enough to do it.
She’s had over two years without me and she’s still having problems with integrity and getting things done. I wasn’t the problem.